COMMENTARY: Oh brother, you’re really in trouble now

c. 1996 Religion News Service (Robert Kirby is a Mormon humorist and columnist for the Salt Lake Tribune.) (UNDATED) Mormons and members of other religious sects frequently refer to each other as”brother”and”sister.”If you subscribe to the idea that God is our father, it follows that we’re all his children and therefore related. When I go […]

c. 1996 Religion News Service

(Robert Kirby is a Mormon humorist and columnist for the Salt Lake Tribune.)

(UNDATED) Mormons and members of other religious sects frequently refer to each other as”brother”and”sister.”If you subscribe to the idea that God is our father, it follows that we’re all his children and therefore related.


When I go to church, it’s always”Sing, Brother Kirby”or”Wake up, Brother Kirby.”Almost nobody calls me by my given name. At home, my neighbors say things like,”I’m calling the police on you, Brother Kirby.” I’ve read pioneer journals where wives and husbands called each other brother and sister. My favorite is,”And then Brother Pitchfitz said to me, `Sister Pitchfitz, is it not now time to get thee with another child?'” With a line like that, my hope is that Sister Pitchfitz said”nay.” Referring to each other as brother and sister is supposed to remind us that we’re all part of the same big family. We’re supposed to love and support one another, be there for each other.

Reality is a bit different. The behavior of the average family begs an important theological question: Do centuries of brothers and sisters marrying each other explain why there are so many idiots in the world today?

Scripture may shed some light on this question. Just read the Old Testament. A lot of the sinners in those stories act as if God gave their brains a quick stir before he sent them down here.

We could, I suppose, blame it all on Adam and Eve. We might not be in this fix if our original parents hadn’t been so closely related. But what choice did they have? Not only were they the only two people around, God told them to get busy and have kids. And a few years later, their kids were killing each other.

Then again, maybe this kind of behavior is the way God planned it. When He gave Adam and Eve the boot from the Garden of Eden, God told them that life was going to get way tougher. Why blame it all on the devil when we can chalk a good deal of it up to simple sibling rivalry?

Yesterday, for instance, one of my daughters tried to shove her sister’s head in the sink during an argument over a hair brush. My wife/sister came home and wanted to know why I didn’t stop it.

I said it was a sign of hope. If our daughter/sister was only trying to maim her sister/sister and not actually kill her a la Cain and Abel, maybe the human race is beginning to straighten itself out.

Families are supposed to be nice.”Families are forever”is even a popular refrain for Mormons, most of whom view family as a wonderful perk for behaving. More practical Mormons wonder if it isn’t also a threat.


After all, who wants to spend eternity with their relatives?

MJP END KIRBY

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