c. 1996 Religion News Service

(Rabbi Rudin is the national interreligious affairs director of the American Jewish Committee.)

(RNS)-The presidential primary season is upon us, and the political consultants, spin doctors, handlers and pollsters are covering the countryside like a plague of locusts. But no serious White House hopeful can afford to be without these self-proclaimed experts.

Before starting the long presidential campaign, candidates need the approval, a thumbs up, from the specialists who decide if a campaign is viable. They determine whether a candidate can appeal to certain groups of voters, and public relations experts are well paid to practice damage control if a candidate has a character problem. Never have so few decided so much for so many.

All this set me wondering what the experts might say about the electability of certain biblical figures if they were alive today. Would David, Deborah or Isaiah have a shot at the White House? Let’s see what the political gurus might say.

David has an outstanding military record and will appeal to voters who want a strong defense. In addition to winning his battle with Goliath, David has commanded many troops in combat. His campaign logo should feature a slingshot.

He is quite articulate and writes his own speeches, even poetry (see the Book of Psalms). David comes from a family of shepherds and will run well in the rural districts.

But he has some flaws as a presidential candidate. David’s son, Absalom, led a bitter revolt against him. OK, we know David wept when Absalom was killed, but what kind of wholesome”family values”can David sell to the public?

David also went after Bathsheba, another man’s wife. Of course, they got married and had a son, Solomon, but David’s lust will come up in any campaign. Sure, voters aren’t exactly prudes, but still …

And finally, there’s this guy, Nathan the prophet, who is carrying on about David’s sins. Nathan promises to follow David on the campaign trail as a one-man truth squad. Bad stuff.

Deborah is a real possibility because a woman leader is no longer a novelty after the successes of Golda Meir in Israel, Margaret Thatcher in Britain, and the female prime ministers in Poland, Turkey and Pakistan.

Deborah has had big-time experience as a judge. In her earlier years she settled lots of disputes between contending parties. People really respect her. She could run on Nixon’s old slogan:”Deborah will bring us together as a nation!” Remember when Mrs. Thatcher warned President Bush not to lose courage in confronting Saddam Hussein? Deborah did something similar with her general, Barak. He said he wouldn’t go to war unless she went with him. Well, Deborah did go into battle with Barak, achieving great military success. Nobody can make the charge that she’s soft on the military just because she’s a woman.

And speechmaking? Listen to what she wrote after the big victory:”When the princes in Israel take the lead, when the people willingly offer themselves-praise the Lord! … So may all your enemies perish, O Lord! But may they who love you be like the sun when it rises in its strength.” She would sweep the women’s vote and win lots of support from angry white men who served in the military. Deborah is one tough cookie … a great candidate.

Lots of people want Isaiah to run for office. They like his oratory, which is even better than John Kennedy’s. Isaiah has a strong domestic agenda:”Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the orphan, plead the cause of the widow.” Maybe America is ready for a peace candidate now that the Cold War is over. Isaiah believes we should beat our swords into plowshares and our spears into pruninghooks. Of course, the military-industrial complex will be upset, but his message just might sell. He will keep the entitlements and enlarge the safety net by cutting the defense budget.

This will separate him from the rest of the crowded pack … somebody fresh. Isaiah will get lots of attention, TV coverage, magazine covers. At last, a true prophet running for president with a platform of arms reduction and peace. And hey, Lyndon Johnson used to quote Isaiah:”Come now, let us reason together …” But there’s a big problem with these potential candidates. The Constitution requires that presidents be born in the United States, and David, Deborah and Isaiah were all born in the land of Israel. Now if we could only get the Constitution amended.

MJP END RUDIN