c. 1996 Religion News Service

(Dale Hanson Bourke is the publisher of Religion News Service and author of”Turn Toward the Wind.”)

(RNS)-When my husband went to pick up our youngest son after church last week, he found him interrogating his Sunday school teacher.

The second graders are learning the church creeds, and Tyler is a little confused.”How come I can say `hell’ in church, but not on the playground?”he was asking.

Tyler, my always-pushing-the-limits child, likes to know exactly where the lines are so he can wave as he skips past them. He’s not a bad child; he’s just not one to accept rules without questioning their necessity.

When he was 4 years old, he accompanied us to the church’s majestic Easter service, where he showed off his new skill by whistling to the hymns with great emphasis. I knew we had found the right church when the associate pastor, a grandmotherly figure, identified him as the source of the sounds, then gave him a broad, approving smile.

I’m glad Tyler feels comfortable questioning and whistling in church. And I hope that, as he grows older, the church will be a place where he can come to express joy and sorrow, frustration and outrage.

Too often the places where we worship are places where we feel a need to be polite and reserved. We spend six days a week expressing ourselves honestly-shouting, crying, giggling, swearing-and one day acting as if we hope God doesn’t remember what we are really like.

We sit quietly and primly, talk in hushed tones, and wear plastic smiles. And then we wonder why we get so little out of the experience.

If we want our houses of worship to truly be places where we connect with God, we have to be willing to be honest about who we are and where we struggle.

A friend of mine, a recovering alcoholic, once observed that AA meetings should be the model for church services. We should all walk in admitting our problems, acknowledging our struggles, and asking for the support of other fellow journeyers.

Sadly we often feel-or are made to feel-like we have to have our act together before we walk in the door of a sanctuary. And even more perplexing is the notion that if we are on our best behavior, God will pat us on the head like a dottering, hard-of-hearing grandfather and dismiss our transgressions as cute or playful.

Life is tough. It is hard to raise children, deal with work stresses and find enough money to pay the bills, let alone cope with unexpected illnesses or other traumas. It is difficult to act with integrity, to care about others, to be patient in a fast-paced world.

Where we go to meet God should be a place to bring all of these concerns. It should be a place to deal with the messiness of life; a place to ask all of our questions and praise God with whatever talents he has given us.

For those of us who have a place to worship God honestly and openly, it is a great opportunity to renew ourselves and our faith. For those who don’t have such a sanctuary, it is worth seeking out.

Going to weekly services is not something to do out of guilt or a sense of goodness. Church is a place to go for help and hope.

During Jesus’ ministry, well-meaning disciples tried to protect him from the children who flocked to him. I imagine they suspected that the children had dirty hands, would ask embarrassing questions, and might do such immature things as whistle.

When Jesus said,”Let the little children come to me,”he surprised the adults who thought he would have no time for such encounters. And when he explained that they would have to”become like little children”if they wanted to enter the kingdom of God, he must have confused them even more.

As I watch my son Tyler worship God in his own way and be accepted in our church, I am grateful. He is growing up in an atmosphere that will allow him to know God honestly. And for the adults among us who are less than perfect, it is comforting to know that there is a place to which we can come as we are and become more than we ever hoped to be.

LJB END BOURKE