COMMENTARY: A Boat Full of Fish and Nothing to Show for It

c. 2000 Religion News Service (Les Kaye spent over 30 years in the high-tech, corporate world. He is the abbot of Kannon Do Zen Meditation Center in Mountain View, Calif., and author of “Zen at Work” (Random House, 1997). His e-mail address is medatwork(at)aol.com.) (UNDATED) He emerged from sleep unrested, heavy with the usual aggressiveness. […]

c. 2000 Religion News Service

(Les Kaye spent over 30 years in the high-tech, corporate world. He is the abbot of Kannon Do Zen Meditation Center in Mountain View, Calif., and author of “Zen at Work” (Random House, 1997). His e-mail address is medatwork(at)aol.com.)

(UNDATED) He emerged from sleep unrested, heavy with the usual aggressiveness. Forcing his mind through familiar early-morning resistance, contours of his plan for the day materialized out of the shadows. A visit to the toilet brought focus, more or less. While he dressed, he contemplated the numerous opportunities for success available to him over the next several hours. The anticipation brought an anxious quickness to his movements. He passed from the bedroom, through the hallway and the kitchen, shunning breakfast, as a subtle urgency spoke of “no time.”


On the back porch, he gathered rods, reels, hooks, sinkers, floats and other gear, set out the night before. He knew the value of keeping his fishing devices organized and ready to go. The carefully prepared bait, overflowing from its bucket, seemed to express the importance of the role it was soon to play.

In the still darkness, he walked the path to the dinghy at the edge of the lake, unaware of the owls, foxes, raccoons and frogs that tracked his steps. He rowed without noticing the outlines of trees and mountains emerging in the new light.

Years of experience on the water led him to a spot about a hundred yards east of a large stand of sugar pines. The grandeur of the trees escaped his attention. He stowed the oars and baited his first hook. Within minutes, an unsuspecting smallmouth took the temptation and was in the boat. Quickly, he put the line over the side again, with the same results. Each successive catch brought a rush, a sense of satisfaction at his triumph.

Dawn evolved into a day that could cool the mind and warm the heart. Sun and clouds, earth and water continued their eternal dance. The spirit flowed; all things were refreshed. But he was occupied with increasing his collection and so set himself apart.

He turned toward home when the far edge of afternoon reached the dinghy, the burden of his successes making the journey heavy and slow. The earlier anxiety of the morning was now replaced with pride of accomplishment, consuming his awareness.

“Hi, honey,” his wife greeted him as he eased the boat onto the shore. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yes, I did,” he replied in a voice hinting of self-importance.

“Say, did you see that beautiful sunrise this morning?”

“How could I?” he answered with a trace of irritation. “I had to row with my back to it.”


Ignoring his tone, she continued, “Weren’t the clouds gorgeous? And that rainbow over the mountain? The sunset was one of the prettiest we’ve had all season.”

Her words deflated his ego. A gripping sense that she didn’t care about what he accomplished _ and so didn’t care about him _ overwhelmed his reason. He wasn’t getting what he wanted.

“I was busy, you know! I worked pretty hard today!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Show me what you caught.”

With mixed feelings of resentment and satisfaction, he turned and indicated the overloaded dinghy.

“What a lot of fish you caught!” she exclaimed with surprise. “What are you going to do with them all? They’re starting to smell.”

He didn’t hear her. His mind was already occupied with a strategy for tomorrow’s trolling.

The incentive to be successful is one of the most powerful gifts of humanity, energizing our creativity and inspiring us to engage our activity for the benefit of others. Yet there is a paradox within the motivation to succeed, for if we are not careful, we can be seduced by the almost universal misunderstanding that personal success automatically provides happiness and peace of mind.

By paying careful attention to our own experience, we have a chance to realize that just the opposite is true, that the desire for personal success can never be completely fulfilled. We discover that the achievement of the moment may be satisfying for a time, but the elation soon wears off and we become anxious again to attain one more.


Recognizing the enigma does not mean that we are forced to make a trade- off, that we must choose between peace of mind and success. But it does require understanding that our life is not meant to be measured by the size of our collection of personal successes.

Peace of mind and the incentive to be successful coexist when we include others in our vision of success, when its meaning is unselfish, when success is more to us than personal attainment. It is the attitude of selflessness, the realization that giving _ rather than collecting _ is the purpose of our life’s activities.

KRE END KAYE

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