c. 2000 Religion News Service

(Dale Hanson Bourke is publisher of RNS.)

(UNDATED) It might be funny if I didn’t have children who have to grow up in this world.

Tuesday night’s (Feb. 15) “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire” brought American society to a new low, offering a mix of “The Price Is Right” with “The Dating Game” and a somewhat cheesy beauty contest culminating in a wedding ceremony live onstage.

Fox, of course, began to advertise the show last week as rumors circulated about who was hosting or refusing to host a show in which a mystery millionaire auditions women to become his wife and then marries the chosen woman in front of an audience.

What the women knew going into the show was that the man was a multi-millionaire. Each had committed to putting on a wedding dress and saying “I do” if chosen.

The millionaire got to sit back with the rest of us for two hours watching the women talk, walk, strip, strut, and finally don a wedding gown and headdress so they could have the ultimate humiliation of being left at the altar before a television audience.

Where is Gloria Steinem at moments like this? Come to think of it, where were these women’s parents or friends?

The women started out introducing themselves while their ages were flashed on the screen, then moved on to answering questions graded by Mr. Millionaire’s family and friends.

We learned a little more about each woman from the helpful host, who never quite seemed capable of believing his career had sunk to this low.

One woman was a graduate of Brown University, he announced, much to the chagrin of the Brown staff who are probably in the process of mailing out admissions for next year and are now anticipating a record number of rejections. (Next year’s ad: Come to Brown and end up on national television begging to marry a guy you’ve never met.) At least it distinguishes them among those competitive Ivy League schools.

Next came the bathing suit contest, which looked nothing at all like Miss America’s mostly because no one had told these poor women that wearing clunky beach sandals makes even the most attractive woman look like Quasimodo.

But wait. It gets even worse. The five finalists were coifed and curled during a commercial break and made to wear wedding dresses appearing to be two sizes too large. Then, looking totally pathetic, each was asked to look into the camera and offer a 30-second plea for the millionaire to pick her over the other brides.

Whatever shred of dignity any of these women had left could only have been reclaimed by looking into the camera and saying, “This is the biggest mistake I have made in my life and I will be changing my name and identity so no one ever remembers me on this show.” But, of course, they didn’t do that.

What they did do ranged from disclaimer _ “It really isn’t about the money” _ to blatant appeal _ “I know how to please a man in every way.”

Finally, when the show just couldn’t get any worse, the mystery man came out. He had the good sense to appear a little embarrassed and apologetic about the whole thing. But not embarrassed enough to call it off. Without further ado, he walked right up to one of the brides, took her hand and asked her to marry him.

At this touching moment someone pushed the rest of the brides offstage. They hustled away, trying not to step on one another’s trains or exclaim too loudly, “The nightmare is over.”

A judge married the couple in a legal but not religious ceremony. Thank God for that. They exchanged rings, kissed and stood there dancing onstage as the credits rolled and the studio audience grinned.

There are those who think couples who live together without a wedding are undermining the fabric of society. There are some who believe allowing gay couples to marry mocks the institution of marriage. But anyone who watched “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire” knows once and for all that our society is much sicker than most of us ever imagined.

DEA END BOURKE