c. 2004 Religion News Service

(Tom Ehrich is a writer and computer consultant, managing large-scale database implementations. An Episcopal priest, he lives in Durham, N.C.)

(UNDATED) A reader of my weekly newspaper column blisters me with abusive language and names me among those demons who vex his faith world and need to be silenced. He says he is praying for my soul.

I get these every Saturday. They tend to sound alike: how dare I hold views that differ from theirs? Sometimes I respond, especially if their questions seem sincere. Today, facing a lengthy diatribe from a frequent critic, I respond, “Get a life, bud.” (Theologically astute, perhaps, but, no, not pastoral.)

My critics come from the right wing of Christianity. But I dare say we all know how to use this language. Liberals and centrists, feminists and anti-feminists, advocates for and against gay rights, Presbyterians and Roman Catholics, Episcopalians and Baptists _ we all tend to sound alike when our feathers get ruffled, our faith is challenged, and we go on the attack.

We label, we marginalize, we demean, we use language to wound (from curse to haughty dismissal), we quote Scripture to our ends, and we justify our assault as necessary defense of God-given truth. I have done my share of such aggression.

We believe we are protecting God, but in fact we are protecting ourselves. How could we do better?

First, after millennia of religious warfare, we must admit our need to do better. We must learn from our history of inquisitions, pogroms, heresy trials, bombing, plotting, leadership conflict and now e-mail warfare. Maybe there is another way to serve God. Attacking each other certainly has accomplished nothing.

Second, it starts with unilateral disarmament. If I can’t make a better response than mockery, I should remain silent.

Third, we must be honest about whose interests we are protecting. God hasn’t yet shown a need for our protective shield. When we assail each other, it’s about us, not about God. I think our faith worlds tend to be delicate structures, easily disturbed. Finding a monolithic faith, even by force, might make us feel safer, but would do nothing for the God who created this diversity.

Fourth, we must stop hiding behind the pious assertion that we are helping the other guy get right with God. Who is helped by diatribe or judging? I doubt that righteous argument has ever saved a soul, just one’s own pride.

Finally, we should take our cue from Jesus. He fed his betrayer, stayed silent before his accusers, forgave those who wounded him, remained confident in those who denied him, revealed himself to outcasts, showed his friends a better way to fish and fed them breakfast.

That is a lot for us to undertake. Silence, forgiveness, trust and acceptance don’t come easily. Maybe we should start with breakfast. Not as a lever to compel obedience, as in threats of excommunication. Not as a come-on to gain new members. Just food, just something we give away, just nourishment, just servanthood.

When Jesus revealed himself after Easter, it wasn’t as righteous judge or as jealous guardian of the gates to eternity. Jesus revealed himself as servant. He fed his friends. And in words that could be preached every Sunday for a lifetime and still need to be spoken again, he said to Simon Peter, “Feed my lambs. Tend my sheep. Feed my sheep.”

Let it begin with me. Today I fire off my patronizing reply, then spend six holes of golf alternately savoring my snappy comeback and regretting it. I am lining up my second shot on a par 5 when a friend rides out and asks if I want to play golf tomorrow after church. Sure, I say gratefully.

I am standing over my next shot when the player ahead of me asks if he can join me for the final three holes. He’s new to the club and would welcome companionship.

My friends, golf may not be your game, but I suspect that deep down we all want someone to ask us to dance, someone to value our companionship, someone to notice us. Life can be a lonely journey. It certainly is unsettling. We need friends. We need breakfast. And that, I believe, is what God wants for us. Winning arguments is a pale substitute.

DEA/JL END EHRICH