c. 2005 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) The first Promise Keeper I met was Carl Hutchins. In the summer of 1995, I drove from Atlanta down country roads, past open fields and barbecue shacks to meet him at Zion Hill Baptist Church, an old brick building between a cemetery and an overgrown baseball field in rural Buford, Ga.

The old Carl Hutchins was a strict disciplinarian who spent little time with his children, he told me then. This new Christian men’s movement helped him reorder his priorities, he said, to become a better husband and father. For one, he tried thinking and praying _ rather than yelling and arguing _ with his teenage son.

A couple of days later, at a Promise Keepers rally in the Georgia Dome, he embraced his oldest son, Scott, 32, and told him he wanted to make the most of the time they had left together.

Later on, I talked to his wife, who was even more enthusiastic about Promise Keepers. “A lot of us wondered where the old husbands went. These new men are terrific,” she said.

Many critics try to dismiss Promise Keepers as a Trojan horse of their favorite catch-all villain, “the religious right,” whose real motive is to push back women’s rights.

And there are real fears, with strong historical precedent, as to how some biblical texts have been used to demean women or to keep them in abusive relationships.

But that is not how the scores of men I have spoken with around the country understand this religious movement that is settling down into an American institution after a meteoric start.

By 1997, I realized something lasting was going on.

To find out what, I rode 30 hours in a bus caravan with 182 men from a Minneapolis suburb to the Stand in the Gap Rally in Washington. (Not something I would recommend: It wasn’t so much the lack of sleep; it was the agony of watching hours of tapes of old PBS shows.)

At the Washington rally and the Georia Dome event, I spent the time picking men out at random to listen to their experiences. The stories I heard were variations on a theme: Old and young, black and white, men spoke of how they had been caught up in a macho culture that placed job and personal success ahead of family, and stoicism and outward strength in front of communication and sharing emotion in their relationships.

Promise Keepers places them in an openly male environment, where beach balls and high fives and stadium cheers and hot dogs make it clear this is no place for wimps. This allows them to open up about their fears and insecurities and to change their focus to what was important in their lives. That inevitably evolves into more respectful, loving relationships, where they spoke of valuing the needs of others.

Want to know what Promise Keepers is all about? Ask some of the men what it means in their lives. Just as important, talk to the women in their lives.

The conversation is important.

Once the masks of defensiveness and mockery are taken off, Promise Keepers and their critics can learn a lot from one another.

MO/PH END BRIGGS

(David Briggs is religion reporter for The Plain Dealer of Cleveland.)

Editors: Search the RNS photo Web site at https://religionnews.com for photos of Briggs and Promise Keepers rallies.