c. 2007 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) The Rev. Ted Roberts moves, stands, even sits, with his back straight and his shoulders squared against the enemy. You expect that military bearing from a former fighter pilot-turned-pastor. You want that in a spiritual war against sexual addiction.

Roberts, the former senior pastor of East Hill Church in Gresham, Ore., for 24 years, hopes to lead a global assault on sexual addiction. It tears apart lives, families and churches at staggering rates. He knows from his own addiction, which he overcame with God’s help and the support of his wife, Diane.

Determined to help others, he is taking his Pure Desire ministry on the road to counsel sex addicts and to train others to do the same. So far, about 140 churches have signed on for his program.

Roberts defines addicted sex as detached, devoid of emotion and intimacy, secretive, selfish and victimizing. An attempt to heal a deeper pain, it often ends in despair, and its compulsive nature _ a person can’t stop the behavior without help _ makes it an issue that he believes the church can address.

Q: Why tackle this problem now?

A: We need a true revival in the church, but a real in-depth relationship to God is not possible right now if we don’t deal with this sin.

Q: How widespread is it?

A: It’s my experience that in any church, from 60 to 70 percent of men are losing the battle for purity.

Q: How does that play out?

A: By having sex outside of marriage, with pornography, with prostitutes. You fill in the blanks.

Q: What are the symptoms of a sex addiction?

A: With a drug addiction, you can look for needle tracks. With an alcoholic, there are signs. But sex addictions are not real visible. But eventually, a sex addict is out of control, engaging in more and more dangerous behavior.

There is an accelerator in the addiction process _ risk. You always want more, you take greater chances and eventually you’ll get caught.

Q: How do you see Pure Desire helping?

A: Over the past 10 years, several thousand men have gone through the program. At East Hill, we have about 250 men rotating through small groups of 10 all the time. We tell them it will take two to five years for a man to get the healing he needs, not to just stop the behavior, but to start having a fulfilling, beautiful marriage.

Q: What about women?

A: They’re different. We have to have three groups to deal with them. We have betrayed-heart groups. Traditionally, the church helps the guy but ignores his wife. Love addiction groups are for ladies who are giving their bodies away for sex, but not for intimacy. And we have a third kind of group, for women who are acting like men, getting involved in predatory behaviors online.

Q: Why are you involved in this ministry?

A: I met Jesus in a bunker in Vietnam. As I read the Bible and began to understand God’s guidelines, I realized that I had some problems. I was an alcoholic. I was a rageoholic … and I was a sex addict.

Paul says sexual sins are not like other sins. God creates us, male and female. In a covenant relationship, the image of God, male and female, is displayed. The holiest place in your home is your bedroom.

I’ve counseled hundreds of men who have tried to stop. They attend church. They read the Bible. They pray, but they can’t stop. And then their testimony becomes a joke.

Q: In what way?

A: Their kids pick up an addictive mind-set. They see Dad living a double life, they see Mom living a double life, and they think that’s OK. Children won’t necessarily become sex addicts. A child can become a workaholic, or have food issues. Sex addiction has nothing to do with sex; it’s how we medicate the pain of life.

Q: What helped you with your sexual addiction?

A: Godly men who confronted me, and a wife who wouldn’t put up with it. But these men I’ve talked to are living in isolation and secrecy and the real killer _ in the church _ is shame. There is so much shame connected with it.

Q: How do you talk about sex in a church setting?

A: With a lot of humor. I tell my story. I spoke last night and I said, “I’m still wrestling with things. I’m not acting out, but I’m still wrestling. The altar is open and I’ll be the first one down here.”

Q: Can you summarize your approach?

A: Stop the denial. Get accountability in a group. Learn healing behavior _ a partner will see all the Internet sites you check in a week.

Q: Where do you go from here?

A: Our goal for this ministry is to be in four other denominations and four other nations within 10 years. We’re open to working with any denomination, but I have to start with my family first.

(Nancy Haught writes for The Oregonian in Portland, Ore.)

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