(RNS) There are only a few dozen shopping days left until Christmas.

I’m keenly aware of this primarily because of those over-caffeinated Gap ads that started running about a week ago. You know, the ones where they chant a little ditty titled, annoyingly, “Happy Dowhateveryouwannukkah.”

“Go Christmas! Go Hanukkah! Go Kwanzaa! Go Solstice!” the exceptionally good-looking, multicultural, skinny-jeans-clad actors shout.

“You 86 the rules, you do what just feels right,” they cheer, before entreating us to “do whatever (we) wannukkah” for the ambiguous winter holiday season.

Their jangly dance number ends by wishing us “a cheery night.”

How festive, you say? Meh. Not so much.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those paranoid religious folks who believes that there is an organized effort to take the Christ out of Christmas, orchestrated by a clandestine cabal of secular humanists, feminists and vegetarians who plot their nefarious attack on family values (and the Baby Jesus). I am no proponent of, or believer in, the alleged “War on Christmas.”

And I’m all for inclusiveness and multiculturalism, as much as I am for the Gap’s inexpensive cotton T-shirts and reindeer-themed boxer shorts.

But this year’s Gap “holiday” ad campaign just rubs me the wrong way.

In its effort (I would surmise) to be inclusive and inoffensive, the Gap has made the mortal advertising and cultural error of being overly cute. Not to mention spiritually facile.

While they all occur around the same time of year, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Winter Solstice hardly carry the same spiritual weight.

Christmas celebrates the miraculous birth of a savior come to redeem the world. Hanukkah, while also commemorating a miraculous event (a one-day supply of oil for a lamp in the temple that lasted eight days) and the victory of Jewish rebels over the Hellenistic rulers of Jerusalem, is a minor holiday on the Jewish calendar.

Kwanzaa is a nonreligious festival, begun in 1966 and celebrated almost exclusively in the United States, to celebrate African-American culture and values. Winter Solstice marks the shortest day of the year and the longest night of the year and is for many pagans and neo-pagans the symbolic and spiritual rebirth of the year.

While each of these holidays, for lack of a more universally applicable term, is significant to different groups of believers (and nonbelievers, for that matter), they are not spiritual equivalents.

I have no problem with all four being mentioned in the same context when we’re talking about the things people celebrate this time of year. That’s valid and correct. What isn’t, however, is the notion that any of these holidays espouse the idea, explicitly or implicitly, of doing “what just feels right” or “whatever we want”-ukah.

Unless we’re meant to be concelebrating Bacchanalia or — and even this is even a stretch — Mardi Gras, nothing in the Christian, Jewish and pagan traditions or African-American culture would encourage the faithful to throw all rules out the window and do whatever feels good, man.

If that were true, the Gap ad would have done well to end with an Ayn Rand look-alike in a Santa hat and white beard driving a sled pulled by 12 tiny flying armadillos.

The “Dowhateveryouwannukah” spots have made me think twice about where I’ll purchase any last-minute stocking stuffers this year. But not for the same reasons as the folks at the perennial saber-rattling American Family Association, which brags of its 32 years “on the frontlines of the American culture war.”

Earlier this month, the AFA called for a two-month boycott of the Gap because of its “censorship of the word `Christmas”‘ in its ads.

Oops!

The Gap ad campaign (which began running a few days after the association’s clarion call for a boycott) says “Christmas” repeatedly, and that’s precisely my problem with it. The use of the word “Christmas” — and “Hanukkah,” “Kwanzaa” and “Solstice” for that matter — is so flippant and false that the actors might as well be shouting “Go Hippopotamus!” instead of “Go Christmas!”

I’d much prefer a heartfelt “Happy Holidays” to this faux-inclusive, hodgepodge of syrupy meaninglessness.

Rather than an inviting cup of steaming Wassail to which everyone is welcome, the Gap’s “Dowhateveryouwannukkah” is little more than a strangely saccharin fruitcake that appeals to no one.

(Cathleen Falsani is the author of “Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace” and the new book, “The Dude Abides: The Gospel According to the Coen Brothers.”)