(RNS) Excerpts from “Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour” by Gayle Haggard:

“I believed Ted had been honest with me, and our physical relationship certainly didn’t indicate that homosexuality was even a possibility. Our sexual relationship had always been strong and satisfying, and I didn’t believe for one instant that Ted had been regularly visiting a gay escort.”

“And so that night I began my journey of choosing … choosing to love. I chose to press through my feelings of anger. I pressed through my feelings of revulsion and took the hand I had held so many times, the hand that brought me such comfort in the past. And in that moment, I realized how much I still loved my husband.”

“Ted confessed that as the external pressures had increased in recent years, he had sought a way to escape. He went for massages — and in my naivete, I had encouraged him to go. I had no idea that some of these massages culminated in sexual activity.

“From the Denver masseur, Ted had also learned about certain drugs that purportedly would enhance his sexual experience. He gave in to this temptation and returned on several occasions to purchase drugs.”

“The thing I resented most was feeling like an object of pity. I don’t like pity; it embarrasses me. … I had to deal with hearing people say, `Oh, that poor woman,’ and I hated that.”

“In Ted’s case, I honestly believe the Lord himself provided the most effective discipline. Ted suffered privately for months, and then he was publicly exposed, embarrassed, mocked, and humiliated. Because he confessed and repented almost immediately, the church’s response should have been forgiveness and restoration of fellowship. Instead, Ted was held up as an example for exile.”