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I've heard the most appalling -- and the most beautiful -- messages about sex in the church. Too often, the church is silent and bashful about sex, and when the church has spoken out about sex, many messages I heard have either been shaming or repressive. Here's the 10 best thing I've ever heard about "Christian sex."


  1. We were created for relationship for each other and for Jesus. There is nothing wrong with healthy sex betweeen married couples. There are many who are in bondage of sexual sin though, and we need to reach out to help those. It is debilitating in the church, but also is a taboo subject and we need to be open so that we may enjoy this relationship we were created for. I pray for the sexual purity of those in bondage, as I was at one time. 40% of the church is living in some sort of sexual impurity and not speaking out. Please keep them in prayer and not point fingers, but find a group where they can find freedom in Jesus mighty name.

  2. Hi J.A.
    Thanks for your comment. I admire your desire to see people find freedom in faith and the Church.
    Just curious, how do you know that 40% of the Church is living in some sort of sexual impurity and not speaking out? Additionally, are you referring to the Church in America or all Churches in the entire world?
    My encouragement would be for us as Christians to learn people’s stories, to listen to their pains, heartaches, environment, and life experiences. This would help us from viewing someone as “impure” and allow us to view them as a beloved Child of God.

    Melissa Otterbein

    • I am a writer for one, and have to do my research. As well I lead a group of men who have been in or are in some sort of sexual addiction, be it pornography, sleeping around on their spouses, etc. We have books we use to go through a 21 week course that incorporates Jesus througout. (Falling Forward) is the name of the work book used. Through the research there are many books about the subject actually, you just have to dig, gallop poles have been done. The scariest part of this is that we realize that alot of men are scared to mention or acknowledge this fact, so if anything our numbers are not as high as they should be. Google Andrew Comiskey, and you will be able to find some information if you want to start digging, that is where I would start.

      • Thanks, J.A.
        It breaks my heart that some men- and women- feel scared to acknowledge these aspects and it’s my hope that the Church will be a place to feel safe to share and garner support.

  3. Thank you so much for these wonderful quotes. From your final note, I assume this is aimed at high school or middle school aged people, but I have to tell you that it was what I needed to hear now, at 33. I have been divorced and single for about 10 years and have just recently tried re-entering the world of dating. As a Christian woman, I have heard over and over about “only sex when you’re married” and all the other stuff that is pounded into us in youth group (or at least was pounded home to me when I went in the ’90s.) And every time I would hear those things, a heavy sense of emptiness, loneliness, wretchedness, and hopelessness came over me. I had for my whole life treated sexuality and spirituality as though they were complete opposites and should never EVER touch. I am trying to learn different now, and I really appreciate your article in helping me to see what God actually intended instead of the shame and guilt that I had been carrying around.

    • Hi Crystal,
      Thanks for your genuineness and candidness about your experiences. I can certainly relate- and seemed to get incongruent messages from the Church- namely: “sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad” if you’re unmarried and “sex is good, sex is good, sex is good” if you’re married. To denote sex as a “bad” thing that suddenly becomes “good” negates the beauty of it and is not holistic in my opinion. I am glad you’re experiencing more freedom in your spiritual growth as we both move forward from teachings that hindered, rather than helped!

      Melissa Otterbein

  4. I found a web site that goes along with your site, She’s a Christian counselor with a sexuality workshop on CD called “Your Sex Life Sucks” We so need to stay healthy in our marriages with sex being a wonderful gift from God. check out her site. It’s a great CD.

  5. I think about sex & having fun with my boyfriend & I’m christian also wanna enjoy sex please help

  6. I’ve been saved since I was 27 of course I married an unsaved guy had two kids and we divorced after 15 years (he had a mean side) I’ve been divorced and dating for 12 years … The bottom line is this all the men I’ve been sexually active with have known I was Christian but it didn’t matter once I went to bed with them. The sex was amazing but the relationships didn’t work out because they did not start in the church .. I would say that premarital sex is a sin because you aren’t married to them … It takes a lot for a man to walk down the aisle and if you give him sex without the commitment most are fine right there is great but women wait until you get a commitment and make sure it’s with a man who loves your church family … I did meet a very religious man 5 years ago and have only been with him … I do not see him much as he is a traveling producer but trust me i will never sleep with a man again that doesn’t want to meet my kids or meet my church family as most of the time it’s just sex ..

  7. Hi. Seems like a valuable article. Currently, I can’t register, so that I can see it. It’s a shame. Will registration be opened up again soon?