c. 2003 Religion News Service

(Judy Gruen’s latest book is “Till We Eat Again: Confessions of a Diet Dropout,” by Champion Press).

(UNDATED) When the current intifada began in Israel in September 2001, posters sprang up around Los Angeles, where I live, in memory of those slain by Palestinian terrorists.

The posters appeared in shops and schools and were published in our local Jewish newspaper. Each one included the names, ages and photos of the latest victims. Looking into the faces of the murdered _ mostly young, all innocent _ was a sobering reminder of the thirst for violence among a growing number of Arabs toward Jews.

Soon, the photos on the posters began to shrink. As the attacks multiplied, it became nearly impossible to fit all the victims’ photos. In the past two years, more than 900 Israelis (including more than 50 Americans) have been killed by Arab terrorists. To understand how staggering these losses are in a country as tiny as Israel, the proportionate number of murders in the United States would be 38,000. This does not include the more than 3,000 who survived attacks but were injured or maimed permanently.

One might understand if most Israelis walked around with despair and rage, given that their lives are under almost daily attack. After all, just getting on a bus to go to work or school or stopping by a cafe for some lunch can get you blown up.

Remarkably, most Israelis do not live this way. In Deuteronomy 30:19, God tells the Jewish people, “I have set life and death before you, blessing and curse. Choose life, so that you may live, you and your descendants.”

In the midst of their grief, however, relatives of the slain are challenged to continue to live without allowing their loss to overwhelm or paralyze them. They must learn to choose the optimism and productivity of life.

Few have embraced this commandment to choose life better than Sherri and Seth Mandell. On May 8, 2001, their eldest child, 13-year-old Koby, was stoned to death along with his friend, Yosef Ish-Ran. Unbeknown to their parents, the boys had skipped school to hike in and around the ancient caves in their town of Tekoa. Their murder was so immensely brutal that dental records were needed to identify the boys.

The Mandells moved to Israel in 1996 from Silver Spring, Md. While Tekoa is in a disputed area, they settled there for the town’s historical significance and beauty. Besides, Sherri recalls, in those post-Oslo days, hopes were still high that the accords would promote peace. Jews and Arabs had lived in Tekoa without strife, and the Mandells believed they could raise their four children in relative security.

While that security has long been shattered, Seth and Sherri Mandell felt compelled to transform their grief into something life-affirming. In her new book, “The Blessing of a Broken Heart” (Toby Press), Sherri writes that she and her husband could not allow their son’s spirit to die: “We will take Koby’s compassion and plant it in the world, so that it can keep growing.”

The fruit of their planting is the Koby Mandell Foundation, which runs Camp Koby and Yosef, a summer camp that has provided fun and respite to more than 600 children who have lost parents or siblings to terror.

The Mandells know from the experience of their other three children that kids also suffer deeply, often in silence, when a family member dies in such cruel circumstances. The camp’s program of art, music and drama therapy “helps them go on in joy,” Sherri says.

Similarly, the Foundation’s Healing Retreats for Bereaved Mothers and Widows helps women cope with their sorrow and teaches them to find joy in their lives once again. So far, Sherri has worked with more than 150 bereaved women in these retreats. Yet despite their enormous pain, Sherri says that only a few have spoken about their anger _ a testimony to the Jewish spirit that lives within them.

The Mandells have chosen a characteristically Jewish answer in the face of unspeakable horror. They emphasize life over suffering, and spiritual meaning over mindless hate. As Sherri writes in “The Blessing of a Broken Heart,” “Each day, I have to work to go on; each day I decide to live. … Losing Koby means that part of me was killed.”

But through their work at the Foundation and its programs, Sherri and Seth Mandell have also become emissaries of healing. Though they will carry their sorrow for their murdered son for the rest of their days, they can take comfort that, as Sherri writes, “Koby’s spirit is growing. Koby’s capacity for joy, his great love, is in some way, staying alive.”

(Editors: For more information on the Foundation, visit http://www.kobymandell.org)

DEA END GRUEN