c. 2003 Religion News Service

(Steven Baines, an openly gay Southern Baptist minister, is senior organizer for religious affairs at People for the American Way, headquartered in Washington.)

(UNDATED) “They are undermining traditional family values.”

“They are making a mockery of the institution of marriage.”

“They are breaking down the very fabric of American society.”

We have all grown accustomed to these and similar rantings about homosexuals from the Rev. Jerry Falwell and his ilk in the legal battles over sanctioning same-gender relationships.

But as a gay Baptist minister in a life-long relationship with another man, I challenge these hypocritical men of God to acknowledge that if they have been watching television in the past few weeks, then they should be directing these admonishments to the heterosexuals of America.

The evidence:

_ A man lies about his true monetary wealth to 20 beautiful women and is rewarded with a marriage proposal and $1 million in “Joe Millionaire.”

_ A woman first rejected in a previous “beauty contest” seeks her fortune by simultaneously dating 20 men in six weeks and again is rewarded with a wedding proposal and an engagement ring that would make even Jennifer Lopez envious in “The Bachelorette.”

Now come two new reality series that any person who believes in the sanctity of marriage should find equally appalling. Airing on Fox is “Married by America,” an “American Idol”-type show in which viewers will vote each week to narrow the field of contestants to two complete strangers who will be wed in so-called “holy matrimony” on the last episode.

Also arriving soon in family living rooms is a reality series based on the popular movie “Indecent Proposal,” which starred Robert Redford and Demi Moore. ABC’s “Love for Sale” reportedly will offer an established couple a substantial sum of cash if one of them agrees to spend several weeks with a member of the opposite sex.

Where is the outrage of Falwell and those in the Christian Right who supposedly care so deeply about the sacred institution of marriage? Do they find these demeaning and outright trivializations of marriage as entertaining as the masses do? Could it be they are so obsessed with what my partner and I do in our bedroom that they are unaware of these TV shows? Or could it even be that they have spent every waking moment demonizing our legitimate struggle for equality in order to fill their ministries’ coffers?

Whatever their reasons, the silence is deafening.

As a hopeless and eternal romantic, I do hope that Trista and Ryan and Evan and Zora find life-long love and happiness as I have found with my partner.

My outrage is not at individuals’ dreams of starry-eyed romance and happily-ever-after storybook endings. My outrage is at those in the religious and political right who use the premise of the sanctity and holiness of marriage to deny my partner and me the same legal rights that these heterosexual couples have. If the institution of marriage is so sacred, heterosexuals’ sole claim to it seems to have sunk its sacredness to the depths of the sewer.

Yes, I know that I cannot generalize all heterosexual marriages based on the networks’ ever-cheapening efforts to win a sweeps victory. But neither can self-serving, pious religious leaders generalize the life-affirming and life-giving relationships of gays as disgusting and demonic.

One need only look in the heterosexual mirror to see how disgusting some people’s sexual relationships can be. I have lost count of how many of these new reality TV stars have been discovered in previous compromising sexual situations or pornographic material.

Why is it that the Revs. Lou Sheldon and Pat Robertson refuse to see the existence of beauty and sacredness in same-gender relationships? What is it that threatens them about two men sharing a home and a life together?

One might hypothesize, as Jesus did, that if these religious leaders focus all of their efforts on the tiny speck in our eyes, they will soon ignore the monstrous beam in their own eyes, giving rise to their narrow-minded vision of humanity.

Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that two men cuddling on the couch on a Friday evening epitomizes what heterosexuals have claimed for centuries is exclusively theirs _ love between two people that is celebratory of the life and gifts each has to give to the other.

DEA END BAINES