c. 2004 Religion News Service

(Tom Ehrich is a writer and computer consultant, managing large-scale database implementations. An Episcopal priest, he lives in Durham, N.C. Visit his Web site at http://www.onajourney.org.)

(UNDATED) For our first swim meet of the summer, my son and I drive an hour north. He joins his teammates. I enter the unpredictable world of swim parents.

A mom from the other club and I are handed stopwatches and assigned Lane 3. We have a delightful time. Our times consistently differ by 7 or 8 hundredths of a second. No problem. We know the truth lies in the middle. Between heats we discuss work and home.

One stroke-and-turn judge seems distracted by family requirements and unclear about stroke rules. This tests the patience of her fellow judge. Because both judges must agree for a disqualification to occur, some infractions probably go uncalled. But tempers stay calm. In the end, as league protocol says, “the benefit of the doubt goes to the swimmer.”

At the staging area, one mom has decided to play the martinet. She berates the swimmers for not lining up neatly several heats in advance. Another mom faces her down. “The kids are here to have fun,” she says, “and our job is to make sure they have fun.”

Meanwhile, a 6-year-old swimmer struggles to stay afloat in the 25-yard backstroke. At her coach’s instruction, an older girl jumps in, cradles the child in her arms, and carries her the last five yards. The younger child makes her touch and climbs out of the pool. Teammates applaud.

If I could record such moments, I would show them to some people.

I would show the bench-management scene to every martinet who obsesses about church rules, budgets, acolyte behavior, procedure, clergy attire, variance from tradition _ and forgets that the point is the people, not the rules. The point is connecting to God _ always a messy process _ and not maintaining proper discipline and order.

I would show the stroke judging to every Bible-wielding or rulebook-wielding religious warrior who fusses about the fine points. Yes, it matters where the commas go, it matters how words are translated, it matters how we administer the sacraments. But it matters far more how we support the people. Fighting about interpretation isn’t servanthood. It is pride.

Disagreement won’t hurt the faith community. Angry, out-of-control authority figures will. Parents working at being patient and composed are a better example of leadership than self-righteous partisans threatening retribution.

I would show everyone what happened in Lane 5 when a child of God was struggling and another child of God carried her forward. That is what Jesus was about.

Would perfection of stroke-judging have helped that child? No, she needed to be carried. Would order on the bench have helped her? No, she needed her teammates to be in disarray, standing beside the pool, applauding her effort.

Yes, she was disqualified for not finishing the heat on her own. But who in their right mind cares? That young girl will know in her heart that she is safe, loved and part of the team. That knowledge will build her up.

Toward the end of the meet, the older girl who carried her teammate walks by. I say to her, “That was a good thing you did back there, helping that girl.” Ethics, you see, aren’t about fastidious deportment, but about decency and kindness.

On our return drive, I tell my son that I am proud of his improving times and hard work. He smiles and falls asleep, as I carry him home.

Later, another swim dad and I agree that we are blessed by this team. Wholesome kids who help each other and get along well, a safe place for our daughter and son to be, and parents who have perspective and don’t “get hyper” about kid sports.

To those who want to lead Christian communities, I would say this: Stop bickering on the sidelines, and look at what is happening in Lane 5.

Stop handing out disqualification sheets against other people as if they were truth, and look at one child carrying another to grace in Lane 5.

Stop thinking that you are the center, and look at Lane 5 where children are trying their best and, when they fall short, are helping each other to stay afloat.

DEA/JL END EHRICH