c. 2005 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) As summer winds down and children gather again at school bus stops, it is time for families to ask the annual question: What will truly make a difference in children’s well-being? Here is my list: three No’s and three Yes’s.

First, say No to television. Turn it off. Throw it out. Break the addiction. Television is stealing your children’s lives.

Academic performance starts to suffer at 10 hours of TV viewing a week. On average, children are watching twice that amount, with 20 percent watching more than six hours a day. Children spend almost twice as much time watching television as they spend in school, and 30 times more than talking with their parents. Their cognitive development suffers, and so do their reading and math skills. Despite clear warnings from pediatricians, many parents use TV as a babysitter for toddlers and preschoolers.

By the time they reach adulthood, the typical TV-watching child will have seen 1 million advertisements, 200,000 violent acts, and been fed the following stereotypes: African-Americans portrayed as “inferior, lazy, dumb, dishonest, comical, unethical and crooked,” according to a Washington State University study; Asian-Americans as “affluent, highly educated, intelligent, soft speakers, and short”; Mexican-Americans as “dark skinned and lower class,” males being “hard workers, antagonistic, and non-college educated,” and females being “dark haired, attractive, pleasant/friendly, and overweight”; and Caucasians as “intelligent, egotistical, and pleasant/friendly,” males as successful and females as pretty.

Boys watch TV more than girls and pay the price in academic achievement; girls eat more junk food while watching television and pay the price in excessive weight.

Second, say No to the Internet for your child. For a child, the Internet is a time waster (instant messaging, games, surfing), and it is dangerous. When clicking on a “Harry Potter” link opens a pornography site, you know the predators are lying in wait. Web sites ask children for personal information that can be used against them.

Schools report rising incidence of Internet-enabled plagiarism. According to one study, “approximately 30 percent of all students may be plagiarizing on every written assignment they complete.”

Third, say No to overeating. Not only will overweight children suffer from poor health as adults, but they suffer now from being stigmatized and marginalized because of obesity, and appearance-related self-loathing leads to other self-destructive behaviors.

What about saying Yes?

First, say Yes to family meals. This is a critical time for transmitting language, values and culture, for listening to children talk about their lives, and for children to observe their parents dealing with issues, from politics to weekend plans. From table manners to coping skills to conflict management to active listening, children learn it at the dinner table. Or they learn it from television. Or not at all.

Second, say Yes to reading. Read aloud to your young children. Fill your house with books, magazines and newspapers. Children who read do better in school, learn to handle complicated information, learn to solve problems and fare better in the job market. As they progress through adolescence and into adulthood, readers gravitate to other readers because they find non-readers boring.

Third, say Yes to family attendance at worship. Sit together. Children value what their parents value. Children need to see their parents bowing their heads in prayer, lifting hopeful voices in song, serving food to the needy, talking with different kinds of people. If your faith community isn’t “child-friendly,” find one that is.

This is my list. Your list might be different. The point is this: Have a list. Don’t assume your culture means your child well. It doesn’t.

To non-parents, I make this plea: Help us out. Allow your faith community to embrace its children. Don’t withdraw into adults-only communities. Learn our children’s names. Talk to them. Be models of decency.

MO/PH END RNS

(Tom Ehrich is a writer, consultant and leader of workshops. His book, “Just Wondering, Jesus: 100 Questions People Want to Ask,” was published by Morehouse Publishing. An Episcopal priest, he lives in Durham, N.C. His Web site is http://www.onajourney.org.)