Godparents Increasingly Chosen for Non-Religious Reasons

c. 2005 Religion News Service (UNDATED) Jennifer Fuentes believes in God. So does her husband, Tony. But when it came to choosing godparents for their only child, the Portland, Ore., couple, like so many others today, took a more secular approach. Half of the couple they chose is Catholic, as is Fuentes’ husband. But deciding […]

c. 2005 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) Jennifer Fuentes believes in God. So does her husband, Tony. But when it came to choosing godparents for their only child, the Portland, Ore., couple, like so many others today, took a more secular approach.

Half of the couple they chose is Catholic, as is Fuentes’ husband. But deciding to ask their friends to be godparents to 3 1/2-year-old Mila revolved less around picking a spiritual guide than it did seeking strong role models, Jennifer Fuentes said.


“Really what it comes down to is that when all is said and done, there will be these really great, well-rounded adults that are really open-minded people,” she said. They’re artistic, good world citizens and, most importantly, adore Mila.

In an era when couples choose to be married by friends who “earn” online ordinations and blood relatives sometimes feel as distant as strangers, many parents are thinking less conventionally about whom they want to anoint as their children’s life guides.

The traditional role of godparents is steeped in centuries-old religion. People converting to Christianity needed a sponsor to vouch for them, and the practice soon evolved to include babies.

“Today’s parents are much more practical about it,” says Linda Murray, executive editor at Babycenter.com, an online resource for new and expectant parent. “They look at godparents in terms of who will actually take care of their children in case they should die.”

Single mom Sarah Casey of Battle Ground, Wash., asked her best friend to be son Collin’s godmother and guardian should something happen to Casey. Both women believe in God, but Casey says religion wasn’t the most important issue in choosing her friend.

“We talked back and forth,” Casey, 19, says. “I talked to her about it extensively.”

Casey’s questions were specific: Would she be willing to take on this responsibility now or anytime in her life? Could she put her own life and goals on hold for Collin? If she has children, would she make Collin a part of the family and not “an extra”?


Her friend, Akasha Becker, consented and, 10 months ago, Casey drew up a will naming her as guardian.

Some members of Casey’s family were shocked she didn’t pick a blood relative. But, she wondered, “How do you choose one family member over the other? Whose feelings do you hurt? That was a really big struggle.”

“She has been there since the day I (found out I) was pregnant,” Casey says. Becker took her to doctor’s appointments and even moved in with her during the last two months of her pregnancy. “It’s like he is her son as well.”

Casey’s situation shows how definitions of family have shifted as people live farther away from blood relatives and create their own blended families.

“A lot of us feel like our friends are our family,” Murray says.

Beyond disaster planning, parents sometimes choose close friends or family to give them a place of honor in the child’s life. Murray, who lives in the Bay Area, says she is one of eight godparents to her godchild.

“(The mother) chose us all for different reasons,” Murray says. “She thought I could be a good role model for her daughter. Someone else would actually raise her (in case of the parents’ death). Someone else would handle the finances.”


It’s true that some godparents become nothing more than a source of cards and gifts. But for others, it can be a special, lifelong relationship forged from regular interaction and thoughtful intent.

“It’s just such an honor to be asked,” says Lark Palma, head of The Catlin Gabel School in Portland. “What they’re saying (is), `We admire you or respect you enough to be a significant person in our child’s life.”’

Palma is godmother to nine people, most of whom are children of friends and who range in age from 7 to 35. Because they all live out of state, Palma gets on the phone every Sunday and tries to catch up.

“Part of it is that my parents were sort of the home place for a lot of my family and the place where we all gathered in the summer,” says Palma, who sees her role with her godchildren more broadly than being a spiritual guide. “I grew up seeing how important the connection to them was for so many people. In some ways, I’ve become that person.”

As the role of godparents becomes more secular, it may make room for other, more decidedly modern interpretations.

“Maybe that’s the new religion,” Murray jokes. “Instead of choosing someone who’s going to raise your child in your religious faith, you’re choosing someone who can instill a love of capitalism or success.”


MO/JL END RNS

(Su-jin Yim writes for The OregonIan in Portland, Ore.)

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