XXXChurch aims to shield pastors from pornography addiction

Craig Gross and XXXChurch co-founder Mike Foster gained national attention when they began frequenting porn conventions and handing out Bibles.

GRAND RAPIDS, Michigan (RNS) — When Justin VanAntwerp wasn’t preaching the gospel, he would look at images of naked women sometimes five or six times a day.

“I became really good at lying and covering up my tracks,” said the 29-year-old former pastor of First Baptist Church in Lawton, Michigan. “I never once got caught, but on the inside I knew it wasn’t right.”

VanAntwerp’s 15-year battle with pornography addiction ultimately cost him his job and his marriage. He resigned his pastor position and confessed to his wife about a year and a half ago — only to have her leave “almost immediately.”


The former pastor now considers it his responsibility to share his story and help others steer clear of the sin that destroyed his life.

He isn’t the only one becoming more involved in such endeavors.

Craig Gross, pastor of online anti-porn ministry XXXChurch.com, said he hears new versions of VanAntwerp’s story all too often. He defines porn as “any sexually explicit writing and/or picture intended to arouse sexual desire.”


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“I think we’ll continue to see pastors lose jobs and lose marriages,” said the California native, who now lives in Grand Rapids Township. “One of the things we always say is that porn will get you to do things you never thought you’d do.”

Gross and co-founder Mike Foster gained national attention when they began frequenting porn conventions and handing out Bibles five years ago. A website soon followed.

The site has become a venue where those who struggle can learn more about their condition, share their experiences and find help. VanAntwerp’s story is among those posted.

“I think whether you agree or disagree with what we do, people are finding out that this is an issue that needs to be talked about,” Gross said. There is also a free accountability program available for download called X3 Watch. It functions like spyware by keeping a record of “morally questionable” sites visited and e-mailing it to accountability partners specified by the user.


While Foster resides in California, the duo still hosts a “Dirty Little Secrets” podcast together. Gross and partner J.R. Mahon tour the country, though they’ve also brought a porn movie star into the mix.

On the tour, Gross debates Ron Jeremy, an actor featured in more than 1,800 pornographic titles. While they don’t see eye-to-eye on porn, the two have become friends, Gross says.

In addition to the Web site and tour, the pastors have a traveling breakfast discussion group called “Porn and Pancakes.”

VanAntwerp, meanwhile, has gone to great lengths to fortify himself against the allure of porn. In addition to turning to constant prayer, he has removed Internet access from his home and is now part of a men’s accountability group through his new church, Freshwater Community in Paw Paw, Michigan.

“I feel like, over this past year, what I’ve learned is that it’s not just about keeping those things from my eyesight,” VanAntwerp said. “It’s about my own heart condition.”

But despite the silver lining, the dark cloud still looms.

“I’m probably going to mess up again,” he said. “But I’m going to be honest about it.”


Grand Rapids’ Christian Counseling Center offers help to those who struggle with all forms of sexual addiction. Dan Henderson administers one of the men’s groups, and says he sees a “steady stream” of clients coming from both inside and outside the church.

Usually, they’ve already hit bottom, he said.

“There are some individuals who are coming in initially, even before there has been a crisis of some kind,” he said. “But the majority of people come in because there has been some kind of discovery _ either by a spouse or work or something.

“Oftentimes at the root of it are our issues with intimacy — not just physical intimacy, but relationship intimacy.”

Clergy referrals are less frequent, but they do occur, he added.

Jeffrey Vandermeer, a student at Calvin Theological Seminary, looks to open the discussion in his own backyard.

He’s launching what he calls the “Josiah Initiative.” His hope is to awaken future church leaders to the dangers of porn as it increasingly permeates mainstream society.

“For leaders in the church, we are all sinful people, and we all struggle with different things,” he said.”I think an awareness of what is going on is necessary for being open and honest leaders to our churches and to the world.”


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