Children can cry aloud in church, just not in the pews

PORTSMOUTH, Va. — Christians are free to cry aloud to the Lord. But when 7-month-old Tori Nowlin entered Community Presbyterian Church one Sunday morning, she was hustled by her mom straight to a soundproof room with a window on the sanctuary. Wailing infants and talkative toddlers are regulars in the church’s “crying room,” a child-friendly […]

PORTSMOUTH, Va. — Christians are free to cry aloud to the Lord. But when 7-month-old Tori Nowlin entered Community Presbyterian Church one Sunday morning, she was hustled by her mom straight to a soundproof room with a window on the sanctuary.


Wailing infants and talkative toddlers are regulars in the church’s “crying room,” a child-friendly space that lets families attend church without distracting other members.

Latitia King, Tori’s mother, takes refuge there each Sunday with her daughter and 18-month-old son, Troy Nowlin.

“I was raised that you’re not supposed to make noise in church,” said King, 34, a life-long Community member. “I like quiet in a church service.”

But try telling that to her youngsters. “They make a lot of noise in church so you can’t hear the sermon,” King said.

“Dada! Mama! My son says everything.”

In the crying room, though, Tori and Troy can shout louder than the preacher and never be heard by the congregation.

The crying room gives parents a ringside view of the service through the window. Speakers pipe in the sound of the congregation’s prayers, songs and announcements.

This morning, King took her usual seat in a rocker as Tori slept and Troy rambled around the cozy room.

Beanbag chairs, puzzles and toys kept the boy entertained; a hand-painted wall mural paraded Noah’s Ark animals.


Community’s room was added in a building expansion four years ago, but church crying rooms are nothing new. Across the country, crying rooms can be found in Lutheran, Catholic, Presbyterian and Baptist congregations, as well as in other denominations.

“The first priority for churches who want a crying room is one-way glass,” said Michael Barnes, a church architect in Virginia Beach. The special glass blocks juvenile high jinks from parishioners’ view. Sound-absorbing insulation is a common feature as well.

Crying rooms not abutting a sanctuary often are connected to worship proceedings via an audio-visual hookup, Barnes said.

Crying rooms may seem like a win-win: Congregations get quiet, parents have access to worship and kids can be kids.

Yet the faith world is of two minds about whether fretful tykes should stay in the pews or wail out of sight and mind.

Some pastors say a church can’t call itself a family of faith unless every member, however young, is welcomed and included in worship services.


Another view is that children should stay put in services and be taught by their parents how to behave during worship.

Barnes said many pastors complain to him that crying rooms devolve into a place where children simply run wild.

On the other hand, who wants to hear a toddler wailing during the sermon?

“You have to consider not just the pastor but the person sitting next to the child — they become irritable,” said Bishop Rudolph B. Lewis. His New Light Full Gospel Baptist Church has had a crying room for 15 years.

Given a peevish toddler’s knack for getting under folks’ skin, it may be surprising that the Rev. Nathan Dell doesn’t mention crying rooms when he teaches preaching at Virginia Union University’s divinity school in Richmond.

“Yes, sometimes when they cry or talk out, you wish they’d hush, but you just go on,” Dell said of children he’s heard while sermonizing.

“One time, this baby was crying,” he said. “I just paused in my sermon and said, `That youngster’s going to be a preacher — hear that strong voice!’ And that eased the tension and gave the parent the opportunity to kind of quiet her down.”


At Community Presbyterian, Ruth Owens and other Christian education committee members keep alert for parents with children.

“We greet them and direct them to the room and let them know if they need assistance, we’re willing to serve them,” she said.

The recent Sunday passed peaceably for Troy and Tori as the worship service rolled along.

“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved!” preached the Rev. Wilbur C. Douglass III.

“Ayuuuh,” Troy gurgled. He drummed his palms on a metal seat while his sister chortled happily.

Elder James Jackson, a Community member for more than 40 years, called the crying room an asset. But he’s also glad to hear an infant’s cry on Sundays.


“If you have a church and do not hear any crying babies, it’s a dying church,” he said. “Your church isn’t going to survive long.”

(Steven G. Vegh is a writer for The Virginian-Pilot in Norfolk, Va.)

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