Cameron’s Coffee | Image at http://www.kirkscoffee.com/coffee/saving-christmas-blend

Having the lowest-rated film on IMDB apparently wasn’t enough for Kirk Cameron. The actor, whose Saving Christmas was released this fall to almost universal critical disapproval, has launched a new product: Coffee.

In the years-long tradition of flailing Christian public figures shilling holiday-related trinkets, Cameron’s website is now offering a Saving Christmas blend that you can buy for $19 a pound. “We saved Christmas. Now, taste the glory!” the website proclaims. Apparently, glory tastes a lot like “the timeless flavors of the classic mocha java blend,” and is “meant to be brewed in large quantities and shared with friends and family.”

The website does not say what to do if you aren’t around friends and family for Christmas, or whether the coffee is safe to drink at other times of the year. It does, however, include an image of the coffee energetically surfing towards the viewer, about to spill all over a background of Christmas-related images, including a decorated tree, wrapped presents, a hundred-dollar bill, and a cross in the bottom left-hand corner.  (This would seem to be an apt time to remember that Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth, at which no cross was present, but Cameron doesn’t seem terribly concerned with accuracy.)

The back of the coffee package reminds you to “Save your Christmas from boring coffee,” and indeed, everything about this blend looks like it was designed to be exciting. But there’s nothing exciting about yet another Christian who is determined to profit from your specific brand of faithfulness: “[B]y savoring Saving Christmas, you’re also making a statement to the world: there is no Christmas without Christ,” the website says.

Who knew that a coffee could do the work of the gospel for you?